


Catharsis

by Nuckingfuts



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-03 02:16:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10957590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuckingfuts/pseuds/Nuckingfuts
Summary: Pain in every word.





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly just wrote this after doomsday as a form of catharsis.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the inner ramblings of a woman scorned.

**I can't breathe, my vision hazy as I stumble through the streets. In out, in out. Finally my vision clears and I realize that I'm back in the place where I opened up my heart to love him. I scream hoping that Allah will hear my cry and grant me respite to heal my shattered spirit**

 

Looking at it now I think I realize where I might've gone wrong. Did he ever say that he liked me? Or me him? No. Did I ever think that Yousef and Noora might've actually been talking outside of what I thought we had? No. I just assumed which was wrong but I guess assuming things is how we all got to this point. 

It doesn't hurt any less, my chest still feels hollow, my eyes still burn from all the tears I've cried but I'd like to think that my pain is mine and mine alone, that out of everything I seem to have lost this is the one tangible thing I have complete ownership of.

Is my religion really that big of an obstacle that I can't interact with people my own age? That I can't have a relationship with a guy because we wouldn't be able to do anything? And why would it be such a huge issue for me to be on the bus? Have I not shown that I can be myself even though I'm surrounded by things I don't necessarily agree with. 

I stand by what I say...I don't judge, what you do is what you do...can't we all just accept that we see the world differently and move on? My friends, the people I thought I knew and trusted went behind my back and disrespected me in the worst way possible. I can't process it all without looking at every conversation, every "special" moment, every time I defended them and think "was it all a lie?" Do they really see me as someone who doesn't have feelings?.

"You're so lucky you don't have to deal with stuff like this" contrary to what you might think, I do. Here we are again with assumptions, why don't they just ask. "Hey, why do you wear a hijab?" Instead of asking I'm bombarded with statements like "It's 2017, you don't have to be oppressed anymore". I'm not oppressed I'm just following my religion and what I believe in, 

Why is modesty such a crime? The question I would've liked to be asked,"Is there someone you're interested in?", I might not have revealed the truth but the fact that I'm automatically put into the category of "not applicable" hurts. 

I thought he saw passed all the bullshit stereotypes of girls who wear hijabs and actually saw me. Why can't it be me? Don't I deserve to be seen as a woman instead of a religious automaton. I don't think I'll be able to look at him without my heart falling into the pit of my stomach, god forbid I see Noora in the position i wanted, smiling at all the compliments I thought I would receive, laughing with him at things we might've found funny together. I know it wasn't all in my head, he saw me, understood me and felt some of what I felt! It almost feels like he was just looking through me to see her. Why was he with her when it all went to shit. 

Elias is not what they think him to be. Is he being vilified because he's Muslim? Is it not possible that the others might've started the fight. I don't condone what happened between them because fighting is wrong but why does the answer for everything always have to be "It's because they're Muslim." My heart breaks but I also want to scream "it's 2017, not everyone is a fucking homophobe." 

I don't even know what I'm feeling at this point, it's all a mess. I'm alone and I hate it. I hate myself, I hate my friends, I even hate the world we live in. The one thing I wish I could hate is Yousef. I want to hit him, scream at him for  
making every breath I take feel worse than the other, I even want to hate him for tainting my friendship with Noora but I can't because I don't think he even knows what he's doing to me...oblivious to my oblivion.


End file.
